Here I am 34 days strong! I spent my first 4/20 celebrating sobriety instead of weed in over 20 years! I received my 30 day chip Thursday night!!! Very proud of that!! I have an amazing sponsor, and I embarked on my step journey on Friday!! I am learning new things about myself thanks to my new found clarity, and I am feeling again. I feel more human, and less like a zombie every day!
I have certainly had some pretty tough moments as well. When you’re used to numbing out when anxiety and stress take hold of your mind and body, having to feel overwhelming sensations and emotions can be excruciating! And so frightening!!
Speaking of frightening, overwhelming, and anxiety (oh my!)…since childhood I have been extremely shy. It has caused me an abundance of stress in my life. I got teased and shamed not only by cruel kids, but by family as well. So closing up to the outside world kept me “safe.” Rejection was absolutely terrifying to me. It still is.
To fully live life and embrace opportunity, we must move beyond our comfort zone and face our fucking fears!!! Well to do that personally, it means speaking in uncomfortable situations. At my MA meeting Thursday, on a challenge given to me by my sponsor I did just that!! I shared!! And I even lived through it! I know the more I do it the easier it will become. Just like anything else in life.
I am so grateful that I have made this choice. I am most grateful that I don’t have to go it alone. Between the support of the group, and my sponsor as well as the inspiration of the success stories, i know that I can do this!