Goodbye Mary Jane

Dear Mary Jane (aka: weed, pot, ganja, bud, green, and myriad other terms of “endearment” I have coined for my beloved Marijuana)….

We have been involved now for over 20 years, but I think it is time that we parted ways for good. Don’t get me wrong I have enjoyed our time together very much, but even good things must have an end.

Let’s face it, our time together hasn’t been all good either. Sure, you were there for me at difficult times when I thought the emotional pain would break me if I didn’t inhale your comforting clouds of calmness, but you only helped me temporarily.

By always being there you allowed me to become numb to my pain instead of working through and overcoming it. That sounds like more of a hindrance than a friend. You have always enabled me to avoid my core issues by putting me in a trance of apathy.  I know you always meant well Mary Jane, but even the best of intentions have consequences.

We had our fun too….toking it up at concerts, and parties. Eating pot filled brownies and baking “green” cookies. Enjoying you with friends and family. And of course you were always the most successful when it came to bringing me down from my paralyzing anxiety attacks.

I am going to really miss you for a little while. I’m going to crave you at stressful times. I am going to have to use alternative methods to soothe myself when the shit hits the fan. I am pretty much going to be living a whole new life without you in it.

Am I scared? You bet your bong I am! But I am also so freaking excited for what my new Mary Jane free life has in store for me. My possibilities are endless! Clarity, energy, motivation…oh my!!!

I will have to feel again. I can no longer use you to escape my life. At 37 it is time I start living instead of hiding. It is time to start experiencing things with a clear head as opposed to a foggy, dazed and confused one. It is time I am born again as an EX pot head!!

And so Mary Jane, we have danced our last dance. Thank you for all of the fun, and memories that I will cherish forever. But I don’t thank you for the “enabling” of avoiding my life. It is time for me to grow up, and stand up for my well being. To do that I must leave you behind. I wish you well, and hope there are no hard feelings. Take care!

Your former fan,
Alyson

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6 thoughts on “Goodbye Mary Jane

  1. You are an excellent writer Alyson! And way to go on your positive change. I know you can do anything you set your mind to!

    Like

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